Negative Profiles  

CuriousCpl6774 51M/44F  
9 posts
1/12/2019 9:02 am
Negative Profiles


So, we’ll start this off with a rhetorical question ... Why??

So as not to come off as sounding hypocritical, we do understand the frustrations that come from some of the interactions here. Believe us ... we do! We also understand the need and desire to vent. In fact, it is not lost on us that we are venting right now! Lol.

What we don’t quite understand is just how negative some of the profiles, that we have read, have become.

In all honesty, the first impression many of us get of the other members here is their profile picture. It admittedly is what draws us to view the profile in the first place. But, the second impression comes from the profile introduction. And while the profile photo may be what brought us to a given profile, it is the introduction that will keep us there ... or ... cause us to move on.

When we see a bunch of negative or rude comments in profiles, our first thought is ... is this how the woman will behave if we’re lucky enough to get her attention and talk to her? And most of the time, it’s enough to simply make us move on to the next profile. We also don’t understand the derogatory comments we see about a group of people who don’t match one’s interests. Not into older people? That’s fine. But are the references to retirement homes necessary? Not into younger people? Also fine. But, how does it help to make rude comments about their inexperience? We were all young and inexperienced at some point. And, hopefully, we all get to experience the wisdom that comes with getting older.

Then there’s the list of dont’s. Don’t do this. Don’t say that. Don’t be this. Goodness! By the time we get through all of the list of things we shouldn’t be, it is lost on us whether or not we, in fact, would be compatible! So, we often just figure we’re not, and move on. Plus, we really aren’t interested in playing detective, piecing all the clues together, to figure it out. Lol.

And don’t even get us started on the word, “block.” We could write an entire blog post on this word alone! Oh, how we dislike seeing that in a profile. We understand that there are perfectly acceptable times and reasons to block people from contacting you on here. There are some really rude people who get very bold, and very nasty, through the anonymity of the internet. It’s a shame, and we don’t wish it on anyone. But, why sound so threatening in your profile introduction, when you could be enticing the right kind of people to reach out to you?

Our favorite (note the sarcasm) “block” statement reads something similar to the following: “If it is clear you haven’t read my entire profile and you contact me, you will be BLOCKED.” Let’s examine this statement a little more, shall we? So the message is meant to warn people who have not “read” the profile, that by not reading the profile, they will be blocked. Weeeeee ... really don’t think your message is going to reach your target audience. Haha!

We liken the whole thing to a piece of candy that looks so yummy on the outside, but when you take a bite to explore a little deeper, you discover that it is actually sour on the inside. We are attracted to those sweet-tasting candies, that are so delicious we just have to finish them (her). There’s a nice metaphor for you, today.

So, we’re not writing to tell people how they should behave, or what they should do. Be yourself. That’s the most important thing ... that you are the authentic version of you. The only thing we can convey is how a negative profile makes us react versus a friendly, positive one. We are drawn to friendly people. Even if there is there is no sexual connection, we absolutely adore and appreciate friendly people!

Looking forward to connecting with some more of you friendly ladies out there! And best of luck to all of you!

tresennui 64F  
2282 posts
1/12/2019 4:56 pm

Negative profiles and pictures of unsmiling faces...both pet peeves of mine.

Tresennui
Succumbing to Curiosity...read me at tresennui


nostalgic68 69M
107 posts
1/12/2019 1:23 pm

Well written. Experience is the best teacher. I suppose, and this is just that, an assumption, that some people just come off as being eternally negative when in fact, that is not their nature, just the way they express themselves. My humor gets me into trouble all the time. To no small degree if comes from a British mum and nana who had wonderful witty remarks. However, few Americans are witty. Rather, they are sarcastic. Most people haven't a clue to their attitudinal distinctions.

Back to your post, the does and don't lists, at least for me, are a total turn off. My experiences have been that list people are bitter people. Sure, they may have good reason to be bitter but still, honey is a better bait than the alternative. But lists also reflect someone who has a dominant personality. It is their way or the highway. That is fine for some while others...its a total turn off or a good indicator of irreconcilable differences in the near future.

Also, this site facilitates negativity. For instance. People have already commented how upset it makes them when someone doesn't read their profile. Well I hate to let you in on the secret, but those who choose not to give out their CC info to yet another site that gets hacked regularly, i.e. standard members, we cannot read your profiles unless we have enough points to purchase a peek. And here too, if your intro is negative, who is going to spend their precious points on looking further?

I have noted before that I was on Friend finder when it was still free. I made some really nice contacts back then. Even A.FF when it first started up, facilitated even standard member to meet nice people in their area. But as with all things, as time goes on, things degrade.

Good post. It should be widely read.


IVFalternative 47M
183 posts
1/12/2019 12:53 pm

People get more focused on what they don't want than what they do want. It's more effective IMO to write your profile to cater to the people you do want, but I too understand the frustration.

Following my advice may cause injury, insanity, financial loss, hemorrhoids, death and superpowers


NewName62 56M
11665 posts
1/12/2019 12:38 pm

Hear, hear.

[gulp]
Aaaaand...I just got hard.


2Saltie2 61F  
700 posts
1/12/2019 10:01 am

    Quoting BiggLala:
    While I can understand those types of profiles tend to turn you off, I understand where they come from and how they happen. The frustration of repeated experiences lend to the desire to *try* to prevent further frustration. It's all I can do to NOT write such a profile. Regardless, the non-negative profiles don't seem to matter much either.

    I know you didn't ask, but my only suggestion is to consider that those people are not as negative as their profiles might appear...don't judge a book by its cover, as it were. Pay attention to the don'ts and DO the opposite (if genuinely you, that is). You might find a few of those nice and friendly women you seek.

    Good luck!
What she said. I get crude messages from men with dick pictures . Messages from couples which i am not interested in. Young women. Can be nice profiles. Not negative but they can't respect my profile so they are not any different then people with negative profiles. If anything they are rude.

Love all animals. Tolerates humans.


CuriousCpl6774 replies on 1/12/2019 10:15 am:
Thank you for sharing your perspective! We agree that people who cannot be respectful of a person’s desires, as well as boundaries, are rude. Having looked over your profile, and for what it’s worth, we would’ve respected the fact that couples are of no interest to you, and we would not have contacted you.

Hope you have a wonderful day!!

2Saltie2 61F  
700 posts
1/12/2019 9:57 am

Been told mine is negative, sounds like I need a good fuck ,a massage, etc. I have it the way I do to TRY and be clear I am not meeting. Of course it's a waste of time because not everyone reads a profiles. Or ignore it. I know what I like and don't. Why I have the hard limits such as younger than myself as one example. If I didn't have that then more younger people would only ignore the not meeting. That is if they read my profile. Having that stops some younger sending me a message. If everyone respected what is in a profile money wouldn't be the way it is. Doubt will ever meet from this site anyway. To many wannabes here.

Love all animals. Tolerates humans.


HAMONMAN 59M
854 posts
1/12/2019 9:50 am

Excellent post.


BiggLala 46F  
25213 posts
1/12/2019 9:14 am

While I can understand those types of profiles tend to turn you off, I understand where they come from and how they happen. The frustration of repeated experiences lend to the desire to *try* to prevent further frustration. It's all I can do to NOT write such a profile. Regardless, the non-negative profiles don't seem to matter much either.

I know you didn't ask, but my only suggestion is to consider that those people are not as negative as their profiles might appear...don't judge a book by its cover, as it were. Pay attention to the don'ts and DO the opposite (if genuinely you, that is). You might find a few of those nice and friendly women you seek.

Good luck!

Need a way to message ALL members?...click the following link for helpful instructions in setting up a private messaging blog post: Build your own Private Postbox Receive Readable Messages and Reply.


CuriousCpl6774 replies on 1/12/2019 10:05 am:
Hello, and thank you for your post! You’re thoughts and perspective are appreciated! We actually enjoy hearing different perspectives! We like being challenged to think outside our own little box from time-to-time.

Thank you for the “don’t judge a book by its cover” comment. We actually thought about including that somewhere in our post, as we believe that too. We ended up forgetting to put it in there, though, so thanks for that!

Truth be told, we do understand the frustration that leads to some of the negative comments we see on profiles. We talk to a number of women, and always feel bad when we hear the stories of how they are treated, at times. And, we do try to determine if the negativity we read in a profile was simply a result of frustration, versus it defining the person writing it. Maybe we’ll try a bit harder.

We are just the type of couple who believes in putting your best foot forward. Though, admittedly, we aren’t perfect at it either.

Thanks again for your reply, and we hope you have a great day!

Become a member to create a blog