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Jokes! Jokes! and more Jokes! I am posting the first one, then it's your turn.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

so I posted this.

Mr Syb, looking for more funny shit like this.

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is one, you should be sure to email your Mom.

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Puppy love leads to a dog's life.
JACK.

Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.

What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
Skeet.

What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
His co-workers.

What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A Doberman.

What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam.
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

What happened to the Pilgrim who was almost shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.

Mr. Syb likes reading jokes.

Art Fart
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.

Arrogant Fart
When you think your farts don't stink.

Assault Fart
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.

Tire Fart
You can't control the blow out.

Beer Fart
These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.

Jail Fart
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.

Donkey Fart
Your ass is the only one that can do it.

Ghost Fart
You can't hear it, you can't see it and you can't smell it either.

Home Alone Fart
When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.

Shoe Fart
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.

Tank Fart
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.

Old Fart
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.

Brain Fart
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.

Alzheimer Fart
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.

Not-Me Fart
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"

U.F.O. Fart
When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".

If your going to fart, share it with your friend, JACK.

Ron was in big trouble with his wife. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Naturally his wife was livid. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ron has been missing since Friday.

Doc .

---

Doc Medic, was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of Wonder Bras.

The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and that he appeared to be having trouble picking one out. She walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance.

Doc Medic, answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size my girl friend is, or the size I want her to be?"

Mr. Sybian comes home from school and tells his father, "I got an F in math today."

His father replies, "What happened?"

He says, "Well, my teacher asked me, 'What's 3 times 2', and I said '6.'"

The father replies, "Well, that's correct."

Then he says, "I know. Then she asked me, 'What's 2 times 3.'"

The father then replies, "What the fuck is the difference?"

Mr. Sybian says, "That's what I said! And that is how I got the F."

Doc

---

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

"Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

JACK looking for more funny shit like this.

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?"

"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class . . . and never returned.

However, as she was going out the door, the professor, absolutely straight-faced, answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.

A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer. The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"

"My brother just told me there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty". He did this only for a very
short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book.

The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement, before going any further, she got up and started stripping
in front of him.

The husband confused, asked, "What are you doing taking all your clothes off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my "kitty", I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.

The husband said, "No, not at all."

Then the wife asked, "Well what the hell were you doing then?"

To which the husband replied, "I was wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in the book."