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ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	HAVE A NICE DAY   8/5/2007 A middle aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 130 kmph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great, " he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the ... 1 Comments, 109 Views, 17 Votes ,6.52 Score
splinter672007 57 M 6  Articles	Workplace negotiations...   8/4/2007 The Penis The Penis Wants a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 1. I do physical labor 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything I do. 4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 5. I work in a damp environment. 6. I work in a dark ... 5 Comments, 69 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
splinter672007 57 M 6  Articles	Customer Service Warning:   8/4/2007 BUNNINGS HARDWARE STORE SCAM ~ BEWARE A "heads-up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Bunnings customers. Over the last month I became the victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping. Simply going out to get hardware supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good ... 3 Comments, 87 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
rockin88 54 M 10  Articles	Senior Sex !   8/4/2007 After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do, " said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be ... 1 Comments, 176 Views, 11 Votes ,5.41 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	sheep   8/3/2007 A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are ... 1 Comments, 112 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	screwed   8/3/2007 A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed, " said the man. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot, " answered the voice. The man slid his $20 ... 1 Comments, 79 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	wishes   8/3/2007 A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie. "As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes, " said the genie, "But understand, ... 1 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	manners in bed   8/3/2007 The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand proper manners in bed, " she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table!" Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile. ... 1 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	pms   8/3/2007 Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs ... 1 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Ask me for a photo cpj7 38 M 10  Articles	mens room   8/3/2007 EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, ... 1 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M 2172  Articles	History Lesson   8/3/2007 istory Lesson > > > > This is accurate beyond dispute!! > > > > Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic > > hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer > > and > > would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. > > > > The two most important events in all of history were the invention of >beer > > and the invention of the ... 1 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M 2172  Articles	A good answer   8/3/2007 As reported earlier this week, some dirtbag who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers ... 1 Comments, 38 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
stealth_fighter1 112 M 20  Articles	NYMPHOMANIAC CONVENTION   8/3/2007 A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, ... 1 Comments, 62 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Ask me for a photo fun2Bwith0069 59 F 27  Articles	The Farmer and the Cow   8/3/2007 A farmer named Clyde had a car accident., In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde, "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine, '?" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..." I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just ... 1 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
ILLYADEE 58 F 15  Articles	Subject: DICTIONARY   8/2/2007 > >DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: >>40-ish...................................49. >>Adventurous........................Slept with everyone. >>Athletic.................................No breasts. >>Average looking.....................Moooo. >>Beautiful.............................Pathological liar. >>Emotionally Secure................On medication. ... 3 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	Soft and Hard   8/2/2007 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your ... 1 Comments, 132 Views, 21 Votes ,6.96 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	Pray hard   8/2/2007 A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a ... 1 Comments, 106 Views, 16 Votes ,5.92 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	A new way to loose weight   8/2/2007 A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at ... 1 Comments, 84 Views, 16 Votes ,6.21 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	The Big Race   8/2/2007 Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and ... 1 Comments, 102 Views, 14 Votes ,5.70 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	Tattoo on yer dick   8/2/2007 ELTON JOHN GOES TO A TATOOiST & SAY`S I WANT A ROLLS ROYCE TATTOED ON HIS DICK, TATOOiST SAYS "YOU'D BE BETTER OFF WITH A LANDROVER SO IT DON'T GET STUCK IN THE SHIT" 1 Comments, 112 Views, 18 Votes ,6.67 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	Another joke   8/2/2007 Two women who are on their way back from a night out stop on a graveyard for a wee (as you do ladies).. one wipes herself with her knickers and throws them away, while the other uses a wreath.. Their husbands are in the pub the next evening.... Husband 1 says: i think my wife is having and affair, she came home last night with no knickers on? Husband 2 replies: Well you ... 1 Comments, 102 Views, 22 Votes ,5.77 Score
ed_rush2004 49 M 47  Articles	Council complaint letters   8/2/2007 Council complaint letters These are supposedly genuine clips from council complaint letters: 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 3. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 4. I want some repairs done to my ... 1 Comments, 104 Views, 17 Votes ,6.80 Score
lovetoeatpuss656 63 M 6  Articles	redneck girlfriend   8/1/2007 How can u tell if ur girlfriend is a redneck? A: If she can chew tobacco and suck dick at the sametime and knows which one to spit, shes a redneck 1 Comments, 68 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_daddywarfx 54 M 1  Article	A Ring   7/31/2007 An older gentleman walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful young lady on his arm. He asks the clerk to show him something "special". The clerk shows the man a ring, and tells him it is on sale for $5, 000. The older man says " I don't think you understand. I'm looking for something far more special than that". After this goes on for a while, the clerk finally pulls out the most gorgeous ring ... 1 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Ask me for a photo rm_lionman425 76 M 4  Articles	Old lady and the vibrator   7/31/2007 One day a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young clerk couldn't help but notice her, first because she reminded him of his grandmother, and second because she was twitching violently and trembling even more than his grandmother did. "Young m-m-man' she stammered to the clerk, Do you sell v-vibrators here"? "Yes ma'am we do" he replied , a little embarrassed. "b-b-big fl-flourescent ... 3 Comments, 169 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
rm_SandMAN5980 56 C 5  Articles	Races   7/29/2007 1-----Passion-------20-1 2-----Bare Belly----5-1 3-----Conscience----99-1 4-----Heavy Bosom---8-1 5-----Cute Pussy----4-1 6-----Jockey Shorts-6-1 7-----Clean Sheets--11-1 8-----Silk Panties--10-1 9-----Thighs--------15-1 10-----Big Dick------7-1 At the post; CONSCIECE lags, HEAVY BOSOM rises, BIG DICK is acting up, and CUTE PUSSY is smiling at ... 1 Comments, 75 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Ask me for a photo justsexn69247 52 M 3  Articles	The difference   7/28/2007 Question: What is the difference between a slut and a bitch? Answer: A slut does everyone, a bitch does everyone except for you! 1 Comments, 68 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Ask me for a photo fun2Bwith0069 59 F 27  Articles	Wise Old Indian Chief   7/27/2007 Indian Chief, "Two Eagles, " was asked by a white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" ... 1 Comments, 141 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Ask me for a photo rm_lionman425 76 M 4  Articles	Another blonde joke   7/27/2007 A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the redhead "In what position was the baby conceived?" "I was on the bottom!" she replied. "You will have a boy" the doctor said. The brunette was asked the same question. "I was on top" was the reply. "You will have a girl" said the doctor. With this the blonde broke out in tears. "Whats the ... 1 Comments, 128 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M 2172  Articles	It keeps happening   7/26/2007 >> >> YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID These people prove it is a terminal condition. As >> always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates this year >> are... >> >> >> Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in >> two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide >> sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. >> >> Seventh Place A 49-year-old San ... 1 Comments, 99 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score